


Clean Slate

by TheStigsWriterCousin



Category: Psych
Genre: Amnesia, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Poor Lassie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 13:04:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13741485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStigsWriterCousin/pseuds/TheStigsWriterCousin
Summary: An on the job accident leaves Lassiter without a memory. Who better to help him get it back than our favourite psychic that remembers everything?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older, completed story I pulled from an old hard drive. I didn't realize it wasn't posted here, so here it is.

-Random Street-

Shawn, Gus, Juliet and Lassiter were standing around their two cars, ready to go home after interviewing their final witness for the day. Shawn smiled when he noticed an attractive young woman was jogging on the sidewalk across the street. He waved at her when a car going at least double the suburban neighborhood's speed limit cut the corner and ran the stop sign.

She had turned towards Shawn and waved back awkwardly when Shawn yelled, having seen the car coming at the last second. She didn't hear him over the music she was listening to. The old Mercedes hit the woman on the passenger side, knocking her against the glass and then to the ground as the driver swerved back onto the road.

Juliet, always on her toes, started running toward the woman, on her phone immediately. "Gus, help me!" She yelled, sure that his medical expertise far exceeded her own. Lassiter pushed Shawn out of the way and headed for the car. Shawn jumped in the passenger seat before he could be left behind. The sirens were on and they were in pursuit.

Shawn had immediately memorized the car's make, model and license plate number, repeating it to the Head Detective as he called in the chase and requested back-up. He would never tell Shawn, but he was always amazed when the "psychic" did things like that. Not even he, a trained police detective, was able to realize and remember those things with how quickly everything had happened, but to him it seemed like second nature.

Even with Lassiter's skilled pursuit driving, they were not in a safe area to be having a high speed chase and Shawn felt his stomach sink. Again, he realized what was about to happen moments too late to do anything helpful. "Lassie!" was all he got out when a moving van t-boned the police car, hitting on the driver's side, ending the chase immediately.

Shawn was vaguely aware of what had happened as he tried to open his eyes. There was smoke everywhere and their siren was still going off, though he could barely hear it. He reached up to steady himself when he realized that he wasn't actually moving, but the world was still spinning. He pulled his hand away without noticing the blood on his fingers. His head rolled to the left without him telling it to and he saw Lassiter.

He begged his limbs to work, if only well enough to undo his seat belt and lean over a few inches. It was an almost impossible task to move, feeling like his entire body was being weighed down, but Shawn was nothing if not persistent. He unlatched his belt and almost fell across the center console of the car. Close enough.

He reached up with a heavy hand to touch Lassiter's face, moving it only enough to assess the damage. There was a large gash where the van's bumper broke the window and kept coming, but it wasn't as bad as his worst fear. From a quick pat-down Shawn could tell that nothing had pierced the detective, though there was still a possibility of serious damage.

A loud bang came from behind him as the driver of the van tried to open his door. He reached back over, using the door handle to pull himself, and unlocked it. It took a fair amount of force for the bearded man to pull it open, apparently it had been warped badly. "Are you okay? I heard the siren, but I didn't see you coming, I swear!" The man apologized several times before Shawn lifted his hand in dismissal.

"Call 911..." Was all he could say before he slumped in his seat.

-At the Hospital: Shawn's P.O.V.-

Shawn shifted, consciousness only barely out of his grasp. Gus ran through the door, followed by Henry. "Shawn! Shawn, can you hear me?"

He mumbled something incoherent before opening his eyes just barely. He knew exactly where he was and exactly what had happened. He wanted to jump up and check on Lassiter, to ask Jules how the woman on the street was, to tell everyone that he's fine and not to worry about him. All he could manage was an unenthusiastic "Hey."

He could hear his father sigh, letting out a breath he had been holding for no one knows how long. He wasn't good at voicing his emotions, but Shawn could tell that he was really scared this time. That he thought maybe this time Shawn wouldn't be okay, that maybe he wouldn't bounce back.

Gus pushed the button to call the nurse to do an evaluation now that Shawn was awake. She poked and prodded and had a few questions, that seemed to have drained the life out of him to answer. The good news was that other than a few scrapes and bruises, he would be fine and able to go home the next morning.

After she left, Henry said a few words to his son and left him with his friend. "Did they catch that guy?" His voice was quiet and he spoke slowly, as if it took too much energy to speak normally.

"Yeah, buddy, they got him a few miles away. Don't worry, no one else got hurt." Being Shawn's best friend since either of them could remember, he knew that for as self-centered as his friend seemed sometimes, he always cared about other people before himself.

"And Lassie?" He was afraid to ask, but he had to know if he was okay. The few moments of tension between the question and the answer felt heavy.

"Shawn... It's not good." Gus didn't want to stress his friend and risk hurting his recovery, but he also couldn't lie. "He's been in I.C.U. since you two were brought in. He's alive, but they've been trying to relieve the pressure in his brain. There's major swelling... We won't know until morning."

Shawn closed his eyes, his chest feeling tight. He just wanted to go to sleep and wake up yesterday.

-The Next Morning-

The light poured into the room, making it almost impossible to continue sleeping for as long as he already had. The drugs had started to wear off and while he wasn't a fan of the slight throbbing in his head, but he was glad to be rid of the heavy tiredness that came with them. He sat up slowly, testing himself. Sleeping had helped more than he thought possible. Aside from the pressure he felt as his sat up, he felt pretty good.

He pulled the covers aside and dared to stand up. He was a little unsure on his feet, but with a little help from the wall, he was confident in his ability to get around. While his body may have rested, his mind couldn't stop thinking about the detective. He had to know if he was all right. He made his way down the hall to the nurses station.

"Mr. Spencer! You should be resting... If you need me, just push the button." She walked over to him, trying to turn him back to his room.

"I'm fine," He looked down at her name tag. "April. Thank you. My friend, Carlton Lassiter, he was brought in with me. Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"Mr. Spencer, you are the one that you need to be worrying about right now." She tried again to shuffle him in the direction from which he came, with no luck.

He wasn't in the mood to try and woo her with his personality, but he was hoping he could convince her to help him by looking as pathetic as he felt. "Please. I..." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I need to know if he's okay. Please." He could feel his eyes watering and he saw her expression soften.

"If we go to see him, will you go to your room and rest until your friend arrives?" She somehow knew that Shawn was one of those people that wasn't going to drop the situation. She also knew that next time he tried to find Lassiter, she wouldn't be able to find him, and that was a dangerous thing.

"Thank you." He walked with her down the hallway, down the elevator and around a corner. Shawn couldn't help but notice that they were not in the I.C.U. wing. They peeked in the door and Shawn felt like a little kid whose favourite super hero turned out to not be indestructible after all. He had always thought of Lassiter as some sort of bullet proof super detective, though he would never seriously say that out loud, and even if he did, the older man would most likely not take him seriously.

She stopped him from entering any further and shut the door. "He was moved out of I.C.U. last night. The swelling has gone down almost completely and he's stabilized. We're waiting for him to wake up before we can determine if there will be any lasting damage. Other than that, it's a miracle there weren't more injuries." The nurse raised her eyebrows, expecting him to hold up his end of the bargain by returning to his room now.

He stared at the door the entire time she was talking, as if he could see through it, still watching Lassiter. He felt more than he heard a noise from inside, putting his hand on the door. "He's awake."

She looked at him like he was crazy, but opened the door curiously, peeking inside. She moved to the bedside to confirm that he was, in fact, awake. She paged the doctor and started his check-up.

Shawn made his way inside quietly and sat in a chair near the bedside. The slight smell of faded perfume led him to believe that Juliet had been sitting with her partner only hours ago. He watched from the side without saying a word, afraid that he would be removed from the room if he got in the way at all.

"Mr. Lassiter, can you hear me?" She asked the question as she checked his vitals.

"Um.. Yeah." He looked around, disoriented. His eyes stopped at Shawn, who mouthed the word 'hi' without any sound.

"Do you know where you are?" She picked up his chart and wrote something down.

"Obviously a hospital, but... I don't know what happened." He looked ragged, bruised all over, but he was awake and Shawn was relieved.

"You were in an accident yesterday, Mr. Lassiter. Do you remember the accident?"

He took a little too long thinking about the question, it made Shawn nervous. "No, I don't." He looked at Shawn again. "Who is he?"


	2. Chapter 2

-Lassiter's Hospital Room-

A million things were running through Shawn's mind at those three words as he scooted as close as he could to the bed. He bit his lip and brought his hand to cover his mouth to keep all of the curses in. "Lassie, are you serious?" It was a stupid question, he knew, but there was some small part of him that hoped that he was just delirious from the drugs and now that Shawn sat closer, he would be able to tell.

"I'm sorry, what's 'Lassie'?" He looked guilty for not understanding, obviously able to see that his words were causing Shawn distress.

The nurse put down the clip board and began to shine lights in his eyes while asking him questions. "Can you tell me your name?"

Shawn saw the look on the detective's face as he realized what was happening. "No. I can't." He looked over to Shawn, now understanding what was so wrong and why he was upset.

"Your name is Carlton Lassiter, does that sound familiar?"

He thought for a moment, obviously wanting it to sound familiar. "No." He ran his hands through his hair nervously. "Wait... Is that why you called me 'Lassie'?" He asked Shawn.

He smiled a little, knowing that it was probably just conditioned deductive reasoning, but still happy that he was a little less confused. "Yeah." As Lassiter looked back to the nurse, Shawn didn't miss the slight redness on his cheeks, even through the bruising.

"Can you tell me anything about yourself or anyone you know? Maybe something that you did recently?" She looked at her watch, as if annoyed that the doctor was taking so long.

He leaned back and closed his eyes, straining to remember something. Anything.

Shawn leaned in close and whispered, "Call 911." He didn't want to distract him, but thought it might help to try to remind him of the accident and maybe that would help everything else flow from that.

Carlton's eyes opened and looked over, the flush on his face more obvious now. "You said that. In the car?" He looked over to the nurse and smiled a little. "I remember that."

Shawn couldn't help but smile and the nurse seemed pleased. The doctor arrived and the two went outside to talk, leaving Shawn and Lassiter alone.

-Lassiter's P.O.V.-

He could feel his face burning and begged it to go away, but his body wasn't listening to him. He couldn't remember anything, he couldn't calm himself down and he couldn't stop he heart from beating so fast. He'd woken up in a hospital room with no memory of what happened or who he was. He was more confused than scared. But still scared, to be honest.

Then there's this man sitting next to his bed. An attractive man that didn't mind invading Carlton's personal space to whisper in his ear and has a nickname for him. They were riding together when the accident happened and he was there when he first woke up, even though he looked like hell himself. He wondered if this man were special to him and the thought made his heart beat even faster.

"I'm Shawn... You really don't remember me, huh?" The look on his face made Carlton want to hug him. He looked so lost and as scared as Carlton felt.

"Sorry." He felt a little guilty, like he should remember someone that was apparently so important to him. He wondered if he should ask about it, but he felt too nervous. What if they were just friends? That kind of question might scare him off and as of right now, Shawn might as well be the only person in the world that he knows, or that knows him.

He felt the other man grab his hand and squeeze gently. "It's not your fault. Don't even think that. Either you'll remember or we'll start over and make a bunch of new awesome memories. It's win-win!" He instinctively squeezed back and he could feel his body finally calming down when Shawn smiled at him.

The doctor and nurse came back in, both insisting that Shawn go back to his own room until his release later in the morning. He didn't want to let go, he felt like a child being left behind with strangers. He didn't like feeling so helpless and he didn't like the idea of not being next to Shawn.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." He smiled and held on just a little longer before following the nurse back to his room.

-Shawn's Hospital Room: Shawn's P.O.V.-

He was a little stiff getting back into his own clothes, but nothing any worse than a really bad hangover. He was watching the clock, waiting for Gus to show up. He knew that he could leave whenever he wanted to, but Gus would kill him if he showed up and found the room empty, so he waited.

He laid on the bed, closing his eyes, recreating the scenes from before, in Lassiter's room. He had invaded the man's personal space many times before, but had always been blown off or ignored. This time, when he wasn't trying to get underneath his skin, when he just wanted to help, to be close, he finally got the reaction that he had always wanted.

With Lassiter's memory gone, he wouldn't remember all the times that he had claimed to hate Shawn and all of the times that he'd been so annoyed with the younger man. He wouldn't remember that the first time they met, Shawn broke up his relationship and had his partner transferred away from him. With all of the underlying animosity between them suddenly gone, could he honestly have feelings for Shawn?

He thought back to the blush that started on the man's cheeks and ended up all the way at his ears. He didn't pull away when Shawn whispered to him and he had held on tight when he grabbed his hand. Maybe it was just a confused man embracing something that felt even the slightest bit familiar. Maybe it was more like a stranger meeting someone new for the first time and feeling a spark.

Before he could ponder himself in circles too much, he heard his friend walking up the hall. Those fancy shoes gave him away every time. He got up and opened the door, just as Gus was reaching for it.

Not the least bit surprised, Gus waltz in, followed by Juliet. Shawn had asked him to bring her so that he could tell her about her partner. After Shawn insisted that he was fine and that he had news about Lassiter, they all sat down.

"He doesn't remember anything. Not the accident, not me, not even his own name." Juliet covered her mouth, not knowing what to say. She was so relieved that he was all right, but the thought of Carlton not ever being the same as before scared her. She loved her partner for exactly who he was, even the things that annoyed her. She didn't want him to be someone else.

"But he'll be okay?" Gus tried to look on the bright side.

"Yeah, I think so. They didn't tell me much, but other than the bruises and the stitches, he looked fine. Visiting hours start in about an hour, let's go grab some breakfast and we'll come back?" He wasn't sure that he could eat, but something told him he was going to need all of his energy for what was to come.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlton was trying to slip on a clean shirt when Shawn knocked lightly, already on his way through the door. "Ready to go?"

"Um... Almost." He had gotten his undershirt on without much difficulty, but the button-up was proving more than his sore left arm could handle. He stubbornly refused to wear a sling, claiming that because the bone wasn't broken, it wouldn't do anything but make him look useless.

Shawn smiled, wondering if Lassiter realized how silly the look on his face was when he was trying to concentrate so hard. "Here, let me help." Before the other man could protest, he was standing in front of him, reaching down to guide his hand into the sleeve. He pulled the shirt up and over his shoulders, patting them gently. "There we go." He moved his hands down, beginning to button the shirt from the top.

Lassiter tried to look away, slightly uncomfortable at how uninhibited Shawn was with entering his personal space. "So, we're going to my house, then?" He wondered what it looked like.

"Yeah. Gus and Jules went shopping yesterday and I did some cleaning. We can settle in and do whatever you want." He and Shawn had been talking the past few days about what would happen when he was released. The doctor had suggested hiring a nurse to come in and check on him, but Lassiter didn't want that. Shawn had offered to stay with him for a while and he tried not to sound too excited when he agreed to it.

He had learned a lot about Shawn the past week and was amazed by his abilities. He didn't believe that he was psychic for a second, but if anyone could help him get his memory back, it would be Shawn. He seemed to remember everything.

Lassiter had met a lot of people during his stay, he could hardly keep up with them all. He knew that his partner was Juliet, a beautiful blonde, that Shawn and Gus were partners at their agency and that his boss was Karen Vick, a sweet, but obviously very strict woman. Shawn mentioned how similar they were when it came to their work.

All of the other faces of people that he worked with sort of blended together. He felt a little bad about not remembering or being able to keep their names straight, but he could only remember so many new people at once. Though he had a lot of visitors, no one came as often as Shawn did. He was there almost every day, as long as the nurses would let him stay.

He told Lassiter about the different shenanigans that they had gotten into, some of the bad guys that they had put away and some of the times that Lassiter had saved his life. At the point where Shawn told him that he had hopped from the back of a truck onto the hood of his moving car, he started to doubt the stories a little, but Gus confirmed that it had actually happened just like that.

Lassiter was a little nervous to see what kind of place that he lived in and get settled in. Really the only thing that he new about himself so far was that he was a good, hardworking detective, but he wasn't going to be that again for a while. So, that wasn't much.

He looked around, taking it all in. It looked friendly enough from the outside, with a well-kept lawn and fresh paint. He smiled, proud that he was a person to take such care of his home. Shawn opened the door and stepped in. "Welcome home!"

Stepping through the doorway, he looked around, a little less excited than about the outside. It was clean and well decorated, if in a minimalist style, but something was missing. It felt cold.

Shawn noticed the excitement falling away as they went in and patter Lassiter on the back. "Come on, lets hang out for a while then I'll give you the tour." He tried to lighten the mood, flopping himself down on the couch at the end of the room.

Carlton blinked, and walked up to the counter on his right, putting his hand on the cold surface. "This is familiar..." Shawn's eyes lit up as he started to stand. "Stop! Stay there." He closed his eyes as Shawn did as he was told and sat down on the edge of the couch. The pseudo psychic knew why this scenario was familiar. They had only ever been in this situation once before.

"There was someone else here. Someone with a gun, aimed at you." He couldn't remember why there was someone in his house pointing a gun at Shawn, but it made his stomach turn. "What happened?" He opened his eyes, a little relieved to see Shawn sitting alone, not being held hostage like he saw in his head.

"He was a dirty cop that tried to frame you. When I figured him out, he was going to shoot us both and make it look like a murder-suicide." Shawn could see the gears turning in Carlton's head as he remembered a little more of the scene.

Lassiter cleared his throat as it came back to him "...He said we were former lovers..." He looked a little embarrassed, obviously not remembering the context in which that line was spoken.

Shawn chuckled a little. "That's what he was going to write on your suicide note. The scenario he planned was that you killed me and then just couldn't live with yourself. You called it 'misinformation', said he was hoping that people wouldn't look too closely at the details."

He rubbed the edge of the counter top. "So, you and I... Were never...?" Shawn tilted his head a little, considering what the older man was asking. He knew that he shouldn't take advantage of his friend's condition, but he couldn't help himself. He had nothing to lose by spilling the beans now. This Lassiter was a lot less likely to shoot him if he confessed, so it was literally now or never.

"Well, no. But, not for lack of trying on my part, that's for sure." He smiled and patted the seat next to him on the couch. "Come sit down."

Lassiter hesitantly did as requested, sitting a little further away than Shawn had indicated. "So... You like me, then?"

Shawn scratched his head a chuckled a little, amazed that he was saying it out loud. "Yeah. I like you."

Black brows furrowed as he considered what that meant. "Then... Why were we not together? I mean... Did I not like you? Like that?"

Shawn sighed a little, not sure exactly what to tell him. He was good at reading people, but he didn't know exactly what went on inside of Lassiter's head. "Well, I don't really know. To be honest, until now, you kind of confused the hell out of me. There were moments when you looked at me and I thought 'That's it. He does like me!', but every time I made a move, you just.. I dunno, you always backed off."

"Hm." Lassiter sat, thinking about what reasons he could have had for denying Shawn's advances.

"Do you like me? I mean, I know that you're missing a lot of information and I guess you don't really know me, but..." Shawn wasn't sure what kind of answer he was expecting to get, but he was nervous.

"I can't really say why I did what I did in the past, but I think that I do like you. Even before you said so, I sort of knew that you had feelings for me. You've been by my side almost constantly since the accident and the way you look at me is..." Maybe it was the fact that he didn't remember anything and that he had nothing to lose, but he felt like he could say anything to Shawn. "I like the way that you look at me. Everyone else looks at me like they've lost something, like they're mourning a lost friend and I'm just some stranger that took his place. It's not even pity. They don't feel sorry for me, they feel sorry for themselves and what they have lost. Why are you so different?"

Shawn tucked his foot under his leg and listened intently. Lassiter had never been open about his feelings for Shawn and now that he was, it was captivating. "I've never been good at fitting in." They both smiled a little before Shawn felt the pressure for a serious answer. "I'm different because you're different now, in a good way. Maybe it's all of the years you've spent on the force, fighting for justice, faced with evil every day. You've seen some terrible things and I know no matter how hard you might try, no one can block all of those things out forever. Maybe it's just because I'm nosy or maybe it's because I've spent years watching you, but I always felt that weight that you carry around."

Lassiter nodded. He could imagine the type of damage that kind of life would leave behind, though knowing what he knew about himself, it was worth it to be helping and protecting other people.

"The difference is that now that weight is gone. You've got a clean slate, Lassie. You're the you that you deserve to be, without the scars, without the guilt, without the fears you had before. Part of me hopes that you don't ever remember, that we can just move forward, but I know that's selfish and-"

Before Shawn could finish his speech, Lassiter leaned forward, their noses sitting side by side, their lips barely grazing each other. His eyes were open, staring at Shawn, waiting for him to close the gap. He didn't hesitate in doing so, feeling the warmth of the breath that Lassiter had been holding, but finally released. That breath rippled, sending the sensation from his lips all the way down to his toes. Every inch of his body was blissfully aware of the warm body attached to those lips. He reached his hand out, wanting to feel more of that warm body.

Lassiter winced and pulled away as Shawn's hand latched onto his arm. "Shit, I'm sorry." Shawn's apologized through half-lidded eyes. He pulled his hand back, not ready to let go, now that he had tasted the lips that he'd imagined so many times.

Carlton cleared his throat and licked his lips. "It's fine. I'm just still a little tender there." He worried that he had ruined the moment, when he felt Shawn's other hand touching the right side of his face and neck.

"Is that better?" Shawn smiled, memorizing the feeling of the older man's jaw, resisting the urge to run his thumb over those warm, thin lips.

Lassiter mumbled what Shawn could only guess to be a 'yes' against his lips as he leaned in a second time, moving his hand to rest on top of the smaller one on his cheek. He mingled their fingers together and tightened his grip, afraid that if he let go, he would float away and forget this moment too.


	4. Chapter 4

Shawn opened his eyes, the sweet smell of pancakes filling the air. He took a moment to fix up the bed before sneaking down the hall. He managed to get right behind Lassiter without him noticing, wrapping his arms around the bare, toned waist in front of the stove.

"Good morning." He mumbled, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. Part of him had worried that the day before had been a dream, or that if it had happened, when he woke up, Lassiter would be back to normal and not like him anymore.

Carlton flipped the last of the pancakes from the pan onto a stack on a nearby plate before turning in Shawn's grip. He leaned in, closing the gap between their lips, but leaving all too quickly. "Hope you're hungry." He smiled as for a moment, Shawn's eyes remained close, mouth still slightly parted.

"I like the way you say 'good morning' better." He licked his lips, both to the thought of breakfast and to hold onto the taste of the lips he already missed.

As they sat down and ate, Shawn was hesitant to bring up an idea he had the night before while trying to fall asleep. "So, I thought that today it might be fun if we went around town and I showed you some places that we've been. Maybe it will help you remember them."

Lassiter nodded, mouth full of pancakes covered only in butter. He washed it down with some orange juice. "Have any places in mind?"

Shawn ate enough syrup for the both of them on his breakfast. He smiled to himself as he thought of all of the hyper comments that the old Lassiter would have made. "Well, the only thing is that we never really spent any time together outside of crime scenes... I know you want to remember, but maybe that is the kind of stuff you shouldn't remember."

The older man stared at his empty plate, contemplating. "I thought a lot about what you said last night. I don't think I want to remember those things either." Shawn hesitated to reply, not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Why don't we go somewhere that we haven't ever been before?"

He smiled at the thought of making a brand new memory, not only for Carlton, but for himself as well. "I know the perfect place. Put on something comfortable and I'm going to make a couple of calls while I clean up."

-At Henry's House-

"Wait here, I'm just going to run in real quick and grab a couple of things." Before Shawn could explain, the door was closed and he was out of site. Lassiter couldn't help but feel a little nervous, considering that he had no idea where they were going or what Shawn could possibly need from his father.

He was back within minutes, carrying two full backpacks, smiling as he opened the back door and set them on the seat. "All set!" He settled back in and gave direction until they arrived and sorted out the backpacks.

"So... Which one of us owns a boat?" He asked as they walked down the dock.

"Neither. It's my dad's. Normally, he would never let me use it, but when I told him what I wanted to do, he actually didn't give me too much trouble." Shawn pulled the keys from his pocket and dangled them, smiling. "And no, I'm not going to tell you what the plan is."

As they boarded the boat, Shawn took the packs and put them away while Lassiter admired the vessel. Henry was obviously a man that loved his boat. From what he's learned, it seems he must trust Shawn a lot more than he lets on to let him take her out without supervision.

Shawn came up from down below, watching the other man for a moment before making himself known. "Ready to take off?" Without waiting for a response, he started up the boat and headed out away from land. He was only there for a moment before he felt Lassiter creep up behind him, mimicking his movement from earlier in the morning. He sighed as he felt a warm breath on his neck.

They stood like that for a few minutes until virtually everyone around them was out of site. There was nothing but a blur of the shore and a couple of specs that he assumed to be boats in the distance. Carlton closed his eyes and took in the way the ocean air mixed with the scent of Shawn's warm body. For the moment, it was the happiest he could ever remember being.

"Thank you." He murmured so quietly Shawn almost didn't hear it.

Shawn turned around, using his body to keep them on course. He grabbed the front of Lassiter's shirt, pulling him flush against his own body. He gripped the fabric tight as he brought their lips together in the most slowly, agonizingly passionate kiss he had ever experienced. They breathed together, moving almost in slow motion as their bodies melted into one another.

Carlton's hands rested one on the helm, one kneading at the base of Shawn's hair, willing himself not to move higher, digging in and speeding up the kiss. To keep himself from doing so, he moved his hands around Shawn's body, slowing the boat to a stop and pulling out the keys. He dropped them to the deck and put his hand back without missing a beat.

He couldn't help but want to speed things up, aching to touch the young brunette in front of him. His fingers gripped tighter and he eased himself closer, groaning at the more solid contact.

Shawn made a small noise in the back of his throat before turning his head, breaking the kiss. He caught his breath for a moment before he spoke. "Wait..."

Carlton felt like he couldn't control his own body, he moved his hand down to Shawn's cheek, turning his head for another kiss. The other man sighed, leaning forward for a moment before shaking his head and moving his hand to Carlton's chest to keep them apart, if only a few inches. "No... Carlton, this is just... Isn't this too fast?"

He looked completely disheveled, with his red cheeks and puffy, wet lips. It took every ounce of restraint that Lassiter could muster to not kiss him again. He took a few breaths himself before speaking. "How long have you had feelings for me, Shawn?"

"Um... A few years. What has that got to do with anything?" Shawn's fingers flexed uncontrollably against the flat chest under them.

"And you consider that fast?" His tone was more inquisitional than mocking.

"Well, no. I mean isn't this fast for you?" Though he was trying as hard as he could to not jump at the fact that his crush had miraculously, spontaneously begun to return his feelings. He wanted to do things with Lassie, but he felt guilty.

"Shawn, I understand why you're hesitant. I know that you don't want to feel like you're taking advantage of the situation, of my 'condition', but I'm a grown man and with or without my memories, I am capable of making my own decisions."

Shawn nodded, not entirely convinced.

"I don't feel like you're some stranger I just met. It's like that with a lot of other people. Hell, it's like that with most other people, but not with you." The hand that was on the helm moved to rest on top of the hand on his chest, rubbing back and forth gently. "I may not remember it right now, but there is no way that I haven't cared about you as long as you've cared about me, or longer. So, can you please not be like everyone else? I don't want you to treat me like I'm broken, Shawn. I'm not."

He took in everything that was being said, his heart fluttering at the idea that Lassiter has possibly had feelings for him for so long. "Are you sure? I mean... This makes things real. Like, really real." He rested his head on the taller man's shoulder. "What if you get your memories back and you don't feel the same way anymore? What if it goes back to the way it was before?"

He wrapped an arm around the smaller man in his arms. "I can't promise that won't happen, but I can't imagine not feeling this way about you."

"I just don't want either of us to get hurt and I honestly don't know if I can go back to the way things were." He looked up into light blue eyes, never having been close enough to see how beautiful they really are.

Carlton kissed him again, quit and soft. "Things will never be the way they were before. We'll have problems, every relationship does, but we'll deal with them. There are so many things I'm unsure of right now, but you're not one of them. We aren't one of them. I guess the question to ask is if it's worth the risk."

Shawn could feel both of them holding their breath as he considered was was said. He cracked a smile, realizing the exact words that Lassie had just said. "You wanna be my boyfriend."

Carlton gaped at how quickly Shawn could go from a serious situation back to silliness. He stared for a moment before Shawn's infectious smile rubbed off on him. He tried his hardest not to grin, but failed. "Yes, I want to be your boyfriend..."

The young psychic pulled him close again, like they never missed a beat. They may have even skipped a few as Lassiter's hands immediately maneuvered to rest in the back pockets of Shawn's pants, lifting him up slightly. Shawn raised his hips with the motion to connect their bodies, causing both men to groan.

Shawn dug his fingers into the black, slightly curly hair, probably a little more roughly than necessary, but received no complaints. In fact, his partner leaned into the tugging, leaning his head back, mouth falling open, breaking their kiss. The brunette took the opportunity to kiss along his new boyfriend's jaw, biting and sucking as he made his way down to the edge of the incredibly annoying shirt that he was wearing.

He began to undo the buttons, in the exact opposite way that he had helped do them up only yesterday. Having abandoned contact with Shawn's lips, he focused his attention on massaging the firm muscles under his hands. The jean pockets didn't leave a lot of room for him to move, so he pulled them out. He quickly unbuttoned and unzipped Shawn's pants, before returning his hands to the same place, this time beneath the surprisingly tight fabric of Shawn's boxer-briefs.

Shawn's teeth scraped against his skin as he tried to literally bite back a moan. "Stop."

Lassiter sighed, hands tightening in frustration. "Shawn..." Before he can continue, he feels Shawn's hand over his mouth, shushing him.

"We need to go below deck if this is going any further." He removed his hand and kissed him quickly, smiling as Carlton's brain processed the sentence he'd just heard.

He looked around, having completely forgot where they were. "...Right." He took his hand out of their hiding place, moving back so that Shawn could lead the way.

Below deck was an area that could almost serve as a complete home. As with the main deck, Henry kept the place clean, neat and apparently well stocked. It looked like they could stay off land for about a week with what was stored, plus whatever happened to be in the backpacks. He wondered for a moment if that was the plan before Shawn drew his attention back to where it needed to be.

Shawn continued where he left off, undoing the last button, removing the first of two shirts. He was extra gentle in removing the pull-over t-shirt underneath, worried about upsetting any sore spots. Not waiting for the other man to return the favour, he pulled his shirt over his head immediately. He wiggled just a little and his already undone pants feel to the ground. Stepping out of them and his flip-flops, he moved closer.

"Are you sure?" He asked, with his fingers playing with the elastic on his red Captain Planet Logo underwear. Instead of a verbal reply, Shawn watched as the older man kicked off his shoes and undid his own pants, stepping out of them. Before Shawn was able to react, Carlton followed by sliding his boxers down, pushing them to the side as well.

He licked his lips as Lassiter reached his hands out, sliding his fingers underneath the waistband of Shawn's briefs. He hesitated only for a moment before removing them the same way he did his own. With both men completely naked, there was no question of whether they were sure or not.

Shawn bit his lip a little and Carlton smiled. He liked that Shawn was nervous. "Have you ever done anything like this?" He asked, hands rested safely on the psychic's hips.

"With another guy? No..." Considering that he had done this with women, his slight anxiety must come from the fact that he had never been on the receiving end before. His nervousness gave away the fact that he assumed Carlton would be taking the lead.

"Well... As far as I know, I haven't either." They both laughed a little bit, breaking through the tension. Shawn grabbed the hands from his hips and lead them over to the edge of the bed. He sat down and scooted back, dragging the other with him.

"Is this okay?" He questioned, referring to the position they were in, personally having never felt something more wonderful in his life than the other man on top of him.

Obviously he wasn't the only one thinking that same thing, because he could feel a heat other than his own pulsating against his thigh. Carlton slid his hands under Shawn's knees, both parting and lifting them as he settled in more solidly. The spark that flew between them could have set the whole boat on fire, considering how it made Carlton burn inside.

He kissed Shawn again, something he could do a million times and still never be fully sated. "Did you happen to prepare for this?" He took his turn kissing and biting at Shawn's neck, not having a reason to be as gentle on Shawn as the young man was on him.

He was either incapable of creating a full sentence or didn't care to try, simply reaching for the small inset shelf in the wall next to the bed. They separated, smiling at each other. "Wishful thinking?"

"You have no idea." Shawn smirked and bucked his hips up to demonstrate just how much he had wished for this day. Lassiter laughed and moaned at the same time before he decided on some payback. He moved his hand from behind Shawn's knees to his backside, spreading him. At the same time, he pressed his hips in, sliding his length between the separated skin.

For dignity sake and also to hear Shawn's reaction over his own, he bit his lip. Shawn's head hit the pillow and he dropped the small bottle onto the floor, fingers grabbing desperately for the sheets. He let out an obscene noise, half way between a moan and a growl and panted a couple of times before regaining his composure. He chuckled a little, shaking his head, "Okay... You win this round."

He didn't laugh for long before Lassiter couldn't hold back, pulling away for a moment before repeating the motion. Having seen Shawn with his head thrown back, gripping the sheets was enough to make Lassiter drip, slicking the movement.

Shawn reached up, pressing the pillow to his face, biting it to keep from screaming out even louder. Something about being able to feel how wet he was making his partner was so incredibly erotic to him, he knew that he wouldn't last much longer.

"Stop." When he realized that Carlton hadn't heard his muffled cry, he pulled his face out of the pillow to say it again. "Stop..." He could barely get a breath out before he was gasping again at the feeling of the man he'd been fantasizing about for years, now lying between his legs in the most intimate position he'd ever been in.

Had it been a serious request, Carlton would not have hesitated in stopping. By the way that Shawn was trembling, he knew that he only wanted to stop because he didn't want to finish so early. If only Shawn knew how far they were from being finished.

Lassiter decided to kill two birds with one stone, preparing his partner and releasing him at the same time. He reached between them, rubbing his fingers along the crevice until they were slick enough to enter him without discomfort. As the first finger slid in, Shawn made a small noise, obviously not expecting the intrusion.

Carlton used his over hand and his body weight to create more friction as a form of distraction while Shawn got used to the feeling of a piece of the older man inside of him. The noises quickly went from discomfort to pleasure as Carlton both probed deeper and twisted his hand around the younger man's tip.

As Shawn's toes began to curl, he added a second finger, using his distractions to his best advantage. By the time he was all the way in, Shawn had again covered his face with the pillow, slightly embarrassed about how loud he was as waves shook his body. Carlton's fingers inside of him moved a little slower as his right hand focused on helping Shawn fully ride out his orgasm.

As the shivers subsided and he came up for air again, Carlton couldn't understand anything he was muttering, but the look on his face was priceless. For some reason, he had a deep feeling that rendering Shawn Spencer speechless was an act worth of a trophy. He'd have to ask about that later.

Shawn's hands clumsily found their way to Carlton's hair, tugging him forward, showering him with a series of short, choppy kisses. Carlton slipped in a third finger, enjoying the way he could feel Shawn moaning into his mouth. He worked his fingers as much as he could, as quickly as he could without hurting Shawn.

He had to completely remove himself from the situation mentally if he wanted to last much longer. While he was fairly confident in his stamina, he had a feeling that he wouldn't be as quick to recover as the younger man and he didn't want to delay any further.

"Shawn..." They continued to kiss, talking during breaths in between.

"I'm ready." He didn't have to say anything more before Carlton was ready to go.

"Do I-?" He paused before entering.

"No, I trust you." He wasn't quite sure how Shawn had known exactly what he was thinking, but he was grateful. He pressed himself against Shawn, keeping himself steady as he slid inside of Shawn's warm body. The feeling of himself inside of the younger man with nothing between them was amazing. He was glad that Shawn was confident in the fact that they were both clean and trusted him enough to skip the condom their first time. He couldn't imagine being even a millionth of a millimeter away from him right now.

He rested his forehead against Shawn's, using all of his control and dexterity to keep himself moving at a slow an even pace until Shawn let him know that he was ready for more.

Shawn tried to keep eye contact with Carlton, but wasn't able to keep his eyes open as he felt him moving inside of him. He should have gotten a thank you letter from every girl he'd even had sex with if this is what it was like for them. He felt filled and a little sore, but mostly like someone had found his personal pleasure button and was pushing it over and over again. He hadn't even had a chance to soften before he was being catapulted into move pleasure than he'd ever known.

He grabbed the shoulders above him, pulling their bodies closer, pressing his face against Lassiter's neck. "Carlton..."

Like how Shawn knew what he was saying, in that moment Carlton knew what Shawn was saying and he reacted faster than he thought possible. He had already pulled almost all of the way out and he pushed back in with much more force than he had before. He could see that it shook Shawn from his head to his toe, and that along with the sensation he was feeling, was almost enough to send him over the edge.

He moved a few more times before his hand made its way back to Shawn, pumping and twisting to help him reach his climax again. Shawn noticed the slight change in angle when Carlton had to prop himself on one hand and swatted him away. He liked it when Carlton was putting all of his effort into slamming into him. He took Carlton's place, stroking himself in time with the now deeper, faster thrusts.

Shawn's other arm was wrapped around Lassiter's shoulder, trying to get as close as possible, never feeling close enough. As Carlton fell into an erratic rhythm, partially guided by Shawn's legs wrapping around him, he angled his head downward, attacking Shawn's mouth, moaning openly as Shawn had done before.

They could feel the desperation and closeness of each other without having to say anything. Shawn was teasing himself, right on the edge, trying best he could to wait for the right moment. In the moment that Carlton got quiet and he could feel the muscles below his fingers stiffen, he squeezed, pushing himself over the edge, knowing that he was going to leave even more bruises on the other man.

The end was right around the corner for Carlton, so close to coming when he felt Shawn tighten below him. It was the push that he needed to release himself with the final, slower thrusts, their kisses becoming lazy as their mutual energy was dissipating. They gasped into each other's open mouths, Carlton turning his head to the side to catch his breath.

"...There is no way that wasn't worth the risk." Shawn smiled, feeling Carlton pull out of him before settling in to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Shawn woke up to the feeling of fingertips tracing circles on his shoulder. He opened his eyes, smiling as he remembered how he had fallen asleep. "Hey..."

 

"Hmm." Carlton mumble, distracted by the small half-circle of tight skin just below the brunette's collar bone. Shawn had told him the story, which at first he hadn't believed, but he hadn't seen the scar before. He leaned down, kissing the skin briefly before sitting up. "We should get cleaned up."

 

Shawn looked at the clock on the wall, glad that he wasn't asleep for too long. It was still early afternoon and they had plenty of time to get where they were going.

 

Carlton didn't move, waiting for Shawn to get them some towels. He stared at the spot where Shawn had been laying, trying to sort out his thoughts. He was pretty sure that he was in love with the other man and had been for quite a while. He loved being close to him, talking to him, and holding him. He hated the feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought of Shawn being hurt or sad or lonely.

 

So, what reason could he possibly have had to hold back before? He knew that it was pointless to ask, because he was the only one that could know and well... He didn't know. But it nagged at him. He didn't want to hurt Shawn, but he also didn't want to live without Shawn. He tried to put it to the back of his mind and forget about it, since there was nothing that he could do about it.

 

"Here you go." Shawn handed him a damp washcloth, already having cleaned himself up. That was understandable, considering that he was much more messy than the older man. They got dressed and headed back upstairs where the day had gotten considerably warmer.

 

Carlton opted for just the t-shirt as he settled against the railing, next to Captain Shawn, as he insisted on being called. "Do I get to know where we're going?"

 

"Nope!" Shawn chirped, guiding them through the water. They made small talk for another half an hour before Lassiter saw land. The rocks seemed to just pop up out of nowhere with green rolling hills turning into steep cliffs. As they rounded the island, the cliffs turned into a white sand beach with surprisingly few people occupying it.

 

"Wow." Carlton was awestruck at the sight of the waves hitting the rocks. Living in Santa Barbara, he was sure that he must have seen something like this before, but for him, right now, it was totally new. It was like paradise was actually real.

 

"Yeah. Beautiful, isn't it?" Shawn had seen the island before, but he had never seen the expression that Lassiter currently had on his face. It was as captivating to him as the scenery was to the other man.

 

"What is this?" He finally pinpointed where they were going as a small dock appeared on the shore, next to a tiny wooden building.

 

"Santa Rosa Island. It's the largest of five islands in the Channel Islands National Park." He mocked a tour guide as he pointed out a few of the islands features. "We've got a week's worth of supplies and permission to keep the boat just as long. It's up to you."

 

He pushed off of the railing, kissing Shawn quickly, but fiercely. "This is amazing, Shawn..."

 

"Just wait." He smiled the type of smile that made Lassiter think that he was up to something, but he was still excited to see what was to come. He stomach flipped when he thought about how good anything he did with Shawn would be.

 

They tied off the boat and grabbed their backpacks, heading immediately inland. Shawn showered Lassiter with interesting facts about the island and about himself as they walked a steep path up the cliffs. The temporarily retired detective was a little winded after a few hours of hiking, but Shawn assured him that they were getting close to their destination.

 

They came up on an opening in the woods where a few small groups of people were sitting, some unloading picnic packs. They were passing through without any intention of stopping, when a short, blonde woman yelled out at them. “Shawn! Detective Lassiter!” She jogged over to them, waving.

 

Carlton had a confused look on his face, as did Shawn for a moment. As the woman stopped in front of them, it clicked. “Amanda, hi! How have you been?”

 

The woman beamed when Shawn remembered her. “I've been great. I mean, the whole incident took some time to get over, but I took a few weeks and traveled a little and everything is pretty much back to normal now. I didn't think I'd see you two ever again, no offense!”

 

Shawn laughed a little at the sentiment, he was glad to see she was doing well, but he'd also never wanted to see her in a professional capacity again. “Same. Carlton, this is Amanda. She was a part of a case we handled a few months ago.”

 

It was her turn to be confused as Shawn explained the situation to the other man that was there when it all happened. “Sorry, Amanda, we were in an accident a few weeks ago and he's still having trouble remembering a lot of things.”

 

Carlton smiled apologetically, wishing that he knew what they were talking about. He assumed it had something to do with the dark purple scar running across her collar bone. “Part of a case, Shawn?” She looked at him incredulously. “You saved my life, detective.”

 

Carlton blushed, not really knowing what to say. He stammered a little before the woman saved him from himself. “How long are you here? I leave day after tomorrow.”

 

“For the week, actually. We're staying just off the end of the trail about a quarter mile down. You should come by for dinner tomorrow night if you've got time.” He looked to Lassiter as if to make sure the invitation was okay.

 

“Yes! That sounds perfect, Shawn. I've got to get back to my group, but I'll see you then, definitely.” She jogged off with a wave and bright smile that Lassiter swore he had seen before.

 

“Don't worry, I'll explain.” Shawn grabbed his hand and pulled him back on track as he started to tell the story of what had happened.

 

-5 Months Ago-

 

“Spencer, are we working a case together right now?” Lassiter sighed as the bubbly young man stood next to him.

 

“Hmm.. Nope, why?” Shawn smiled, leaning over the small counter, searching for a pen.

 

“Then why are you talking to me?” He finished his signature and handed his pen to Shawn, walking forward a few feet to stand in line.

 

Shawn smiled, taking the pen before following Lassiter into the line. “Well, I saw you getting in line and I thought, 'Hey, I'll go say hi to Lassie!' even though I don't wait in lines. It's not...” Shawn rambled on while the detective stood facing forward, waiting for the teller to call him forward.

 

The only person in front of him had just walked away, smiling. She called the boy at the counter by his name, Charles, as she waved goodbye. Before Carlton could step forward, Charles motioned for him to wait a moment as he retreated to a back room with an envelope.

 

As he approached the counter again, Lassiter was able to take one step forward before two men burst through the door, one stepping forward, one hanging back. Between them, they fired three shots into the air. The blonde woman that was heading for the door screamed as she was grabbed by the second man.

 

Being a well-trained, exceptionally skilled detective, Carlton was turned around, gun pointed at the men within a second. Being a not well-trained, but still exceptionally skilled psychic, Shawn was hiding behind the detective within that same second. Lassiter instinctively held out his left arm in front of the other man, making sure that he was between Shawn and the would-be robbers.

 

"Drop your weapons!" Lassiter wasted no time in making the demand despite the fact that the men had a hostage. He had obviously taken them by surprise as they both froze and looked at each other. In the few moments that followed, everyone in the building had hit the floor and waited silently as the tension built.

 

The men looked back and forth as if contemplating what to do when the man in the front nodded, leaning over slowly to drop his gun on the ground. The other man followed, though keeping his arm firm around the woman's chest.

 

"Kick them to me." The detective was weary about them complying so easily, but felt better when Spencer leaned down to pick up the guns and they came sliding across the floor to his feet.

 

Before he could say anything else, the wall behind them exploded, sending debris and smoke through the room. The loud boom caused a momentary flinch from everyone, giving the first robber a chance to grab another gun from behind his back while the man with the hostage pulled out a knife from his belt.

 

Before the dust even had time to clear, Shawn and Carlton were both aiming their guns, each firing a single shot, taking out both of the masked men. As they went down, Lassiter instructed Shawn to check on the hostage and get everyone out of the building. His first concern was the entire bank collapsing, his second concern was what caused the explosion.

 

"Everyone stay down and do exactly as he says." Carlton commanded of the patrons and he called for backup, making sure that they knew there were two armed officers on the premises.

 

Shawn ran carefully forward, gun still drawn and ready to fire if either man should budge. He took the gun from the first robber, that was not dead, but definitely wasn't going anywhere. Shawn had shot him in the chest, right where he was aiming.

 

As he approached the second man, it was clear that Lassiter's shot had been fatal. The woman was on the floor, unmoving as he still cautiously removed the knife from the masked man's reach. Shawn put the gun away for the moment, moving to check the blonde. She was only unconcious, but had suffered a long gash across her collar bone, probably from when the robber went down and tried to take her with him.

 

"Okay, everyone, we're getting out of here! Stay low and against the walls. Go next door to the coffee shop and call the Police." Luckily there weren't very many people in the bank at that time, something that the robbers were no doubt looking forward to.

 

As everyone was clearing out, he stopped a broad-shouldered man and asked him to carry the woman with him to get her medical attention and he did so without question.

 

Shawn took a deep breath after double-checking that everyone was out and pulled his gun out again. He began clearing the nearby offices, finding a few employees and customers, leading them to safety while also looking for something to detain the masked man just in case. One of the tellers had a roll of duct tape that he had taken and used to secure the man to an office door handle.

 

Shawn took a deep breath as he moved to enter the back room where the explosion had occured, hoping for anything but a massacre. What he found was a truck backed up against the missing wall with two masked men handcuffed to the bumper.

 

"The hostages are out, one of the men is alive. For now." Shawn filled him in on what was going on as they waited for backup.

 

"Good work, Spencer." Lassiter's gun never left the perpetrators, but his gaze stayed on Shawn until the backup arrived.

 

\- The Woods-

 

As Shawn told the story, a few things sounded familiar to him. He remembered the way it felt to have Shawn pressed against his back, hiding behind him, and how it made him feel that Shawn trusted him for protection in such a situation. He remembered the feeling in the pit of his stomach when they were seperated and how proud he was at the way Shawn had taken care of everything.

 

"I almost thought that was the moment." Shawn spoke, breaking the silence after the story.

 

"What do you mean?" Carlton was a little confused at the statement.

 

"For us. I felt something from you that day. A spark, I guess. I thought that maybe you would finally stop pretending that I don't exist. You called me your partner." Shawn sounded like he was digging up old feelings of disappointment.

 

"I did?" Carlton was completely at a loss for why he had done what he did, but he felt guilty for the way that it made Shawn feel.

 

"When you called for backup. You said 'my partner and I are armed'. You know, so we wouldn't get shot being mistaken for bad guys. It's no big deal, I just... The way you looked at me, I thought that was it." Shawn shrugged. "But then it wasn't."

 

Lassiter grabbed him by the wrist and stopped them both in their path. The stared at each other for a moment before he went in for a solid, raw kiss. His hand wound into Shawn's hair and he guided them against a nearby tree, Shawn's back digging into the bark.

 

As quickly as it had come, the kiss was broken, leaving Shawn flustered and confused. "There are a lot of things that I don't know right now, Shawn. One of them is how I could possibly bring myself to do anything to hurt you. Another is how I could be anywhere near you and have enough willpower to not kiss you. It's all I think about."

 

Shawn licked his lips and smiled, knowing that the words were true and trying to remind himself that there must have been some reason that Lassiter held back his feelings. As hard as it was for him, it must have been just as difficult for Carlton.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Having finished the dinner dishes, Lassiter stared out the window over the sink, lost in thought. So much had happened since the accident, most of it involving Shawn, which as anyone would know, can be overwhelming. He had a feeling in his gut that he didn't like. It was a feeling that told him that things shouldn't be going so well.

As a detective, he had learned to trust his instincts; to act first and question later. Even though he'd lost his memories, his body remembered those things he had learned. Everything that he felt for Shawn felt right, but that feeling never went away. It were as if he knew he shouldn't be so lucky.

From what he'd learned so far, if it weren't for the accident, he and Shawn probably wouldn't be together. Not now, maybe not ever and the fact that feeling that won't go away tells him that there was a reason for that.

Could he learn to ignore that feeling? Throw caution to the wind and hope for the best? He wasn't sure if he could, but he could try. Shawn deserved that much.

His stomach twisted when he thought of the way the exuberant man described him before the incident. He obviously had feelings for the would-be detective, but kept him at a distance as often as possible. He knew deep down that he would never hurt Shawn, so logically, there must have been a good reason for keeping him away. It ate at him to not know that reason.

Before he could get too caught up in trying to figure himself out, Shawn came through the kitchen door. "What are you thinking about?"

Carlton blinked a few times before rubbing his hands on a towel by the sink. He smiled slightly. "Everything. You."

Shawn was infected by his smile as he approached. He ran his hands along Lassiter's belt, hands ending up on the counter behind him on either side of his lover.

Lassiter closed his eyes, focusing on the simple feeling of Shawn's presence in front of him. The way his body radiated heat and how his breath felt ghosting across his skin. Shawn also closed his eyes, moving his face closer, intending to kiss the taller man, but Carlton pulled back ever-so, rubbing their noses together, lips barely touching.

More than anything, he wanted to breathe Shawn in. He hesitated running his fingers up the bare, tan arm that was partially wrapped around him. His fingers trembled, shaking so slightly that anyone other than Shawn wouldn't have noticed it.

He found himself resting his hands on the side of Shawn's face, fingertips in his hair, his right thumb caressing the skin of his cheek. "I love you."

Shawn stopped breathing for a moment, his grip on the counter tightening. He hadn't heard the words so much as felt them as lips moved against his. He was speechless for the first time in his life, luckily he was rescued by Carlton inching closer, closing the gap between them.

They had kissed the very same way several times since their first, but this kiss was profoundly different. It shook Shawn to his core; made him want to cry and scream and laugh all at once. He knew that Lassiter had feelings for him. He had known that for a while, even before the detective would admit it, but there was something different about hearing it and knowing, beyond a doubt, that he loved him.

Carlton loved him.

He heard him say it. He felt him say it. His heart was racing as he grabbed the older man by the shirt, desperate to be close to him. As they struggled to take each other in, the need to reciprocate was driving Shawn mad. He broke the kiss, mumbling out loud. "I love you, Lassie. Oh, god, I love you so much."

He wanted to repeat it, but he also never wanted to stop kissing the man he loved. He went back and forth murmuring between lips grazing one another as they stumbled to the back of the cabin. There were a few times when Shawn thought that they wouldn't make it; that he would explode before they got to the bed.

They tangled themselves in the sheets and in each other, moving together as one being. Shawn trembled, having never felt such strong emotion for another person. He didn't think before that he could even feel this way about Carlton, but he was wrong.

He was so wrong.

He felt like his heart and body were both going to rupture and if it meant that he could spend another moment with the man he loved, he would gladly let them both do so.

Shawn barely held back his tears and Carlton lie on top of him, exhausted. He could feel their hearts pounding in sync as he tried to catch his breath. His eyes slipped shut as he fell into a deep, warm sleep.

-The Middle of the Night-

Shawn's eyes snapped open as he heard a faint clank coming from down the hallway. His first instinct was that Carlton must have gotten up, but he could feel the heat coming from next to him, telling him that wasn't the case. He listened for more noise, but the cabin was silent. He closed his eyes again for only a second before another, much louder noise made its way through the supposedly empty lodge.

That noise woke Lassiter as well, surprising him that Shawn was already awake and alert. They quietly communicated their plan to investigate as they slipped their boxers and shirts on.

Shawn grabbed a small handgun from the bedside drawer and handed it to Lassiter, knowing that he would be more comfortable and willing to use it if needed.

Lassiter led the way, gun drawn, back to the wall while Shawn followed suit carrying an old baseball bat. Carlton made a mental note of how graceful and nimble Shawn was on his feet.

They made their way through the circular layout of the cabin from the bedroom to the bathroom, then down the hallway and through the kitchen. All rooms were cleared except the large living area at the front. With very little light coming in, it was nearly completely black and Lassiter closed his eyes, pausing for a moment before entering.

A memory popped into his head as he could almost feel the silk against his eyes. He heard Shawn saying to him quietly, "You told me what you saw, now tell me what you heard."

He breathed in and then out, holding it. Not moving, just listening. A faint creak from the far end of the room got his attention. He didn't want to risk giving away their position, but at the same time, nothing could be done in the dark. He motioned for Shawn to lay low and sneak to the other side of the kitchen, turning the light on from there. It wouldn't be much, but the room was open and it would illuminate enough to expose an intruder.

Shawn stayed ducked below the counter as he followed the plan, flicking the switch. He waited for Lassiter's signal or a response that told him he'd found something and needed assistance.

"...Amanda?" Lassiter was confused, but kept his gun aimed. The woman was standing in the corner covered in mud. He looked closer as his eyes adjusted to the light and saw that there was also blood in her hair. "What are you doing here?"

Shawn peaked out from his hiding spot, equally confused as he heard her name. "Are you okay?" He started to move around the counter before he was stopped.

"Shawn, don't." His eyes travelled downwards, followed by Shawn's. She had a gun in her hand.

"Drop the gun, Amanda." She looked up, eyes red. Clearly, she had been crying. Shawn couldn't read her at all. On one hand, she looked like she'd been through hell. On the other, she was armed.

She didn't speak, but she started taking small steps towards the kitchen.

"Stay where you are and drop the gun." Carlton tightened his grip. "I don't want to hurt you, Amanda. You need to drop the weapon and then we can sit down and talk. We can help you."

She tilted her head, her turn to be confused. "Help me, detective?" She scoffed at his comment. "You've 'helped' me enough."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I promise, we'll get you whatever you need." He was beyond baffled and by the look on Shawn's face, he wasn't the only one.

"You're lucky, you know? To just have the past erased. You don't have to live with the things that I have to live with." Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she spoke. "You ruined my life. Both of you. And you don't even know it! It's not fair!"

"I'm sorry, Amanda. Whatever we did, we're sorry." Shawn stepped around the corner, hands out as a sign of peace.

"You will be." She smiled through her tears as she spoke directly to Lassiter. "You took away my everything that day. You think you 'saved' me? You destroyed me." Her hands shook with anger, fingers clenching her still lowered gun.

Shawn squinted his eyes, trying to make out the details of a tattoo on the woman's arm. He'd seen that design before. Both of the robbery suspects had that same tattoo on their shoulders.

"I'm sorry about your brothers, Amanda, I really am. But you know that we had to do what we did. A lot of people could have been hurt." Shawn took a shot in the dark and connecting the dots and could tell he was right when he saw her flinch.

"No one was going to be hurt! That's why I was the hostage, Shawn! It was a perfect plan and you two ruined it and you ruined my life. You didn't have to kill them..." She was shaking more as she spoke, but kept the gun lowered.

"My whole life I've been passed around and looked over. I've been with families that would beat me because they were bored, that only kept me arround for the check they got for it. I've been with people that would rather buy drugs than feed the 6 year old child they adopted." She was quickly turning her sadness into anger.

"It took me sixteen years to escape that life for good and another five to find my brothers. I finally found someone that would love me and take care of me no matter what. They were everything that I had ever wanted and you took them away from me. I felt the bullet go past me and into him. I heard their bodies hit the ground and I will never be lucky enough to forget that day." She looked at Carlton as she raised her gun, not hesitating to pull the trigger.

While her gaze was on Carlton, her gun was aimed at Shawn. He slammed backwards against the wall, looking over at the man he loved as he grabbed his chest. His white undershirt was changing colors immediately.

She dropped her gun the moment after the bullet left the chamber. She stared at Lassiter, as if begging him to shoot her and end her misery. "Now you know how it feels. To see someone you love be killed so quickly, without a second thought." She took a step towards him. "I hope you never forget the sound of his body hitting the floor." She took another step.

He looked between her and Shawn, too overwhelmed to think. "Stop or I will shoot you." He didn't want to. Not all of him wanted to, at least.

"Do it." She kept walking, slowly, but persistently. "Go for the trifecta, detective. 2 down, 1 to go!" She sped up.

Carlton gulped as he realized that she wasn't planning on making it out of this alive. He pulled the trigger as she pulled a knife out of her back pocket and charged him. He shot her in the shoulder and rushed to the bedroom as she hit the ground.

Shawn was lying on his side, holding his chest with both hands when Lassiter returned with his phone. The young man was breathing too quickly as tears rolled across his nose and onto the tile. He tried to speak, but couldn't make out anything other than gasps.

Lassiter burried his hand in Shawn's hair as he spoke with 911. The island authorities wouldn't be equipped to deal with this, though they would dispatch a unit to detain the woman. A helicopter would have to be sent and he would have to provide the first aid until it got there.

"Shawn, listen to me, you're going to be fine." He tried to remain calm for Shawn's sake, but it was the hardest thing he had ever done. He was almost certain that he would have to watch the young man die without being able to do anything about it.

He grabbed a hand towel and placed in against the wound once he found it. Given the amount of blood, it was hard to tell exactly where it was coming from. "Oh, god..." He whispered to himself as he saw Shawn's eyes flickering closed.

"Stay with me, Shawn! Please keep your eyes open." He tried to think of a way to keep the man's attention. He remembered a song that he'd caught Shawn and Gus singing before. They had been caught mid-duet and Shawn beamed at him as he lectured them about the proper use of the interrogation rooms. Shawn made a comment about the great accoustics of the small space.

He began to sing, quietly into Shawn's ear. "Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels..." He bit his lip as he thought how bittersweetly the song fit. "Something happens and I'm head over heels, oh don't take my heart, don't break my heart. Don't throw it away..."

He cracked as he thought about what the future might hold for them. That these might be the last moments they have together. Right then, he remembered every story that Shawn had told him in the hospital about saving his life and the crazy situations that they had gotten into. He had seen Shawn beaten and broken and even shot before, but nothing like this. This is why he held back before. He couldn't lose Shawn. Not at all, but certainly not like this.

"Won't escape.. My attention..." Shawn choked out, never one to abandon a good duet. Lassiter laughed, mostly out of desperation to hear Shawn's voice again. He continued with a new vigor.

"You keep your distance with a system of touch, and gentle persuasion. I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?" He kissed the tear-soaked cheek below him, afraid to think what life would be like without Shawn. Without his memories, the only thing that he had was Shawn.

"I love you." Quiet and simple, it escaped Shawn's lips like it was air, like something he'd been born to say and Lassiter born to hear it.

"I know." Carlton knew that he said it not to hear the words reiterated, but to know for sure that Carlton knew how he felt.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Juliet grabbed Lassiter's arm with more force than she would have ever thought she'd need. "Carlton! Stop!" She only had a hold for a second before he pulled away, shaking her off.

"No. No, no, no." He grabbed and twisted at his shirt until his knuckles were white, unable to stop moving. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but couldn't. He tried again after a deep breath. "He's going to die." His bright blue eyes were bloodshot and wet as he stated it like it was fact.

She reached out to lend a comforting hand to him, but was denied as he pulled back. "They're doing everything they can."

He paced back and forth, rubbing his hands through his hair. He couldn't believe that Shawn could survive something like this. "There was so much blood... How?" He looked down at himself, the front of his shirt and shorts coloured red. His skin and his hair were coated in Shawn's dried blood. "How can someone survive that?"

The helicopter ride was a blur to him; having been pushed away as soon as they'd gotten in. He knew that Shawn had flatlined at least once during the trip. The long, exaggerated beep was the only thing he could hear over the yelling of the EMTs and the sounds of the chopper blades cutting the air.

"He didn't give up on you, what makes you think you get to give up on him?" She hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but patting his back wasn't working for her friend right now. He needed some tough love.

He turned around to face her, caught off guard by her question. He was so caught up in himself and his pain that he had forgotten that Shawn needed him. He felt so helpless, but if there was anything he had learned since his accident is that Shawn wasn't the type to give up on anything and he never let anything get him down. If anyone could make it through something like this, it was Shawn.

He rubbed his eyes and nodded his head. "I just..." He was trying his hardest not to blame himself, but he was the one with the gun. He could have shot her before she could hurt anyone. "I should have protected him. Isn't that what you do when you love someone? Protect them?"

It broke her heart to see Carlton so lost. It was a million times worse than when he lost his memories. "Some things you just can't control. What you can control is what you do now. When he wakes up, he's going to need you to be there for him."

He nodded, taking a seat on a bench against the wall. "I know." He sighed, letting out a frustrated growl. "I know, but... I can't lose him. What else do I have if I don't have him?"

She sat next to him, resting her hand on his knee. "There are a lot of people that care about you, Carlton. Everyone at the station-" She was cut off before she could finish.

"But they aren't him! He was so close, for so long and I..." He slammed his fist down into the bench, his sadness turning to frustration. "I ignored him, Juliet. He reached out to me and I put him down time and time again. I was so worried about losing him, I thought it would be better to just ignore how I felt."

"But now... I opened up and this happens. I let myself love him-" He had to stop for a moment before he began to hyperventilate. "God, I love him, Juliet." He looked her in the eyes and she knew that she couldn't begin to understand what he was going through. She had never loved someone the way that he loved Shawn. She had never had someone she loved like that torn away from her.

"Maybe I shouldn't have." He bit his lip and looked down, hands clenched together.

A tear rolled down her cheek, but she wiped it away quickly, insistant on being strong for her partner; because that's what Carlton would always be to her, no matter what. She went to where he sat and knelt down in front of him. She put her hands on his, firmly. "You don't mean that."

He kept his head bowed down, not wanting to look her in the eyes during his weakest moments. "This wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gotten involved."

"Maybe not today. Maybe not this year. Maybe never, but we are all constantly exposed to dangerous situations, it's our job. It's a risk that we take to save lives and help people, Carlton." She let go of his hands and forced his head to lift, looking at her.

"Did you really want to live the rest of your life without hearing him say that he loves you?" Another tear fell, but she left it alone. "Did you really think that you could go the rest of your life without telling him that you love him?"

He shook his head, knowing that she was right. Even with the risks involved, he wasn't sure how he'd managed to hide it for so long. Being with Shawn brought light and happiness into his life that he didn't know was possible.

"What if this had happened and you hadn't told him how you feel?" She wasn't trying to upset him, but she wanted him to realize that their love was a gift, not a curse.

Lassiter had thought that he was out of tears, but when he thought about Shawn dying without knowing, they started to flow again. He couldn't imagine the young man dying, thinking himself alone, rejected by the person he cared for the most. He was so glad that Shawn knew he was loved and that no matter what happened, Lassiter would love him until the end, whether that be tonight or in a hundred years.

"No matter what, he knows. Isn't that worth something?" She smiled a little, hoping that she'd finally gotten to him.

He raised his hands, wiping the tears from his face. "It's everything." He put his arms around her, leaning over to pull her into a tight hug. "Thank you, Juliet."

They broke apart at the sound of the doors behind them opening. A nurse walked out and asked to speak to Lassiter alone. "Your blood type is O negative, is that correct, Mr. Lassiter?" He didn't know how she could be so calm considering what was happening.

"Yes. Why?" He looked at her slightly confused. He wasn't sure how they knew that.

"We are attempting to stabilize Mr. Spencer. The bullet wound has been dealt with and, for now, is not our main concern." She looked Carlton up and down, thinking how to phrase her next sentence. "Mr. Lassiter, he has lost a lot of blood. We've done what we can to replace it, but there were complications with the last transfusion. We need more blood than we have here and it's being sent from another hospital as we speak, but you're here now."

He understood what she was saying. He was a universal donor, in good health and available right away. "Let's go." She nodded, leading him through the doors. Before they closed, he peeked his head back out, motioning for Juiliet to follow.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Shawn's eyes tried to open as he was awakened by the sound of voices. They felt so heavy, he could barely peek as they cracked. The voices seemed to move around, closer and then further away. Louder and then softer. It was making his head hurt to try to make sense of it all. For the time being, he gave up and went back to sleep, hoping that it would be easier the next time he tried.

What seemed like only moments later, a loud bang got his attention. He opened his eyes a little wider with a little more ease, listening for the source of the slam. He heard familiar voices again out in the hallway.

"Carlton, are you sure this is what you want to do?" Juliet sounded worried as she asked her partner a question that Shawn didn't understand.

"There's nothing left here for me, Juliet." Carlton's voice sounded lifeless as he spoke. He sounded tired.

"And the house already sold? That fast?" He disbelieving voice echoed through the door. He heard Lassiter mumble a reply briefly as his voice faded away.

Shawn wondered if he was dead. He could tell he was in the hospital, but he couldn't feel much and everything was blurry and muffled. Maybe he died and Lassiter was moving on without him.

-The Hallway-

Juliet bit her lip, upset at the decision that he partner had made, but unable to do reason with him. She understood why he had made the choice, but for her own selfish reasons, she wanted him to change his mind.

Lassiter was going to miss Juliet more than anyone else. She was the only person that really made an effort to be there for him through everything, even when he wasn't the easiest person to deal with. She was just tough enough on him to get to him without being cruel and most of all, she sincerely wanted what was best for him.

"Well, if you need anything before you leave, let me know, okay?" She was about to walk away as the nurse came up to them.

"You rang for me?" She smiled sweetly.

Carlton's brow furrowed in confusion before he looked at Juliet. She also looked perplexed. "No, we didn't call." He took in a sharp breath as he looked at the door.

He put his hand on the handle and his fingers trembled. Juliet reached out her hand and placed it ontop of his, resting her other hand on his back. With her encouragement, he turned the knob and walked through the door.

The room looked the same as when they had left it a few moments ago. Shawn's eyes were closed, the curtains were open and Lassiter's heart sank. "Oh, Carlton..." She rubbed his back empathetically.

He sighed and walked over to the bed, reaching down to brush his fingers across Shawn's cheek. The sensation startled the young man back into conciousness as he opened his eyes even easier still.

Carlton's eyes snapped open. "Shawn?" He leaned in closer, his grip on the side of the man's face tightened.

The drowsy man smiled crookedly. "Mhmm."

He wanted to say so many things, but his voice didn't work. He tried to speak again to tell Shawn how happy he was and how much he loved him, but nothing came out.

Juliet and the nurse both moved over to the bed as Shawn mumbled incoherently. Carlton held his hand as the nurse checked him out, calling for the doctor. Everything happened in a blur, the only thing keeping him from floating away was when he felt Shawn's fingers squeeze his back.

When the doctors left and everything settled down, he couldn't stop staring at Shawn, unable to speak. Every night that he slept, he had dreamed about Shawn waking up and every morning, his heart would break all over again. He was so scared that he was dreaming again.

Shawn's voice was rough and his speech was a little slurred, but Lassiter understood when he finally had a chance to speak. "Going somewhere without me?"

He tilted his head, not sure what he was talking about for a moment before he remembered his conversation with Juliet earlier.

"You said... There was nothing here for you anymore." His eyes flickered shut for a moment, but he forced them back open. He had to know what was going on before he fell asleep again, but he was so tired.

"Shawn, no... I couldn't." He tried to sum up his feelings, but fell short with words. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I'm not leaving. We're leaving.” Shawn looked up at him, confusion obvious.

“When I first woke up at this same hospital and I had no idea who I was, you were there. You told me that we could start over- Make new memories. I want that. Can we still do that?” He moved his hand to Shawn's face, trying to keep him focused as he spoke, wanting an answer.

Shawn's smile widened. “How do you mean?”

“I sold my house here and bought a new house up north. I had all of our things shipped there. I came by the hospital today to sign some papers so that they could release you into my care. I even hired a nurse to teach me what to do; how to take care of you...” Carlton leaned in, kissing Shawn's cheek. “I know you have a lot of ties here and it's a lot to ask of you, but I just want to start over.”

“Okay. Let's do it.” Shawn didn't hesitate, moving his head to the side to kiss Lassiter for real. “As long as Gus can come visit. And Jules. And maybe the Chief...” He started to drift off with a smile on his face and Lassiter let him. Seeing that smile, there wasn't a doubt left in his mind that telling Shawn how he felt was worth it.

 


End file.
